What love is

I love the quote about fathers that says, "The best gift a father could give his children is to love their mother." The truth contained in that statement is phenomenal. A father loving his daughter's mother teaches her that she is worth loving and models how she should be treated in a relationship. A father loving his son's mother shows that boy how to be a man and how to treat a woman. Wow.

My Dad traveled a lot for work and sometimes we didn't go with him. The model wasn't there. I think I looked to my grandparents by default. I remember my Grandad being my whole world. Any time he and Granny went on vacation, they picked me and my cousin up on the way out. Granny was an iron fist. She would paddle me if I needed it and she'd give you a swat too if she felt like you could benefit from it. She really fit more into a mothering role than a grandmother. Grandad never said a harsh word to us kids. He was the one waiting there with a piece of candy to mend our broken hearts after Granny had pulled a switch from the tree (which we totally deserved, by the way.)

Summer of 1999 (I think?) they drove down to see us on the Texas coast. We decided to jog over to Galveston for a few days so as not to break the Summer vacation streak we had running. We walked the strip I was all too familiar with until time to have dinner. We passed this warehouse looking building that was an Italian restaurant called Mario's. It was Granny's idea to eat at "Mary-o's" that night. My cousin and I being the NES champs that we were promptly corrected her. "Granny, it's Ma-ree-oh's." This happened a couple more times through out the evening just in conversation. Then, out of nowhere, our world got rocked. 

"You kids stop correcting your Granny! If she wants to say it that way, she will! You shut your mouths about it!" 

I spent the next hour crying quietly into my sleeve and my cousin spent it sick in the restaurant bathroom. Talk about heart break. That is the only time in my life I can ever recall him saying a harsh word to any of us kids and I still remember the sinking feeling in my chest that came with it. I would rather Granny had picked up a switch there on the side of the Galveston strip and let me have it. 

Know what that taught me? (Other than to keep my mouth shut, thank you very much.) I know for an absolute fact that my Grandad loves me more than anything in this world. That didn't change that Summer, but what he made sure we knew was that Granny is his WIFE, and favorite kids in the world or not, you mess with her, you get the wrath of the man who loves her. That planted a seed in me way back then that means so much more to me now. It's really amazing. They've been married for 51 years. I know for a fact, to this day, if you tried to confront my Granny, you'd have to go through him first. You know, that's just the way it should be.

My grandparents on their 50th wedding anniversary last year. <3

Something your Mama would say

Know what I love? Saying something over and over and over. Trying to get my point across about something and no one is listening. Then someone else comes by and whispers the same. exact. thing. and everyone says, "Oh! What a great thought/idea/solution/opinion!" Yeah... that's always nice. Especially when you're pretty sure the whisperer took it from you in the first place. Even if they didn't, LISTEN UP, PEOPLE! Quit ignoring the people in your life. It was OBVIOUSLY something worth hearing if you were so jazzed to hear it second hand. Just imagine if you had been on the wagon when it originally came though! Please, don't drown out people who are talking to you. It's so frustrating (obviously) and demoralizing - not to mention painfully obvious. Please just treat people the way you would like to be treated.

Bob! Don't marry that harpy!

Al: Hey, you know how it is when you see someone that you haven't seen since high school, and they got some dead-end job, and they're married to some woman that hates them, they got three kids who, like, think he's a joke? Wasn't there some point where you stood back and said, "Bob, don't take that job! Bob, don't marry that harpy!" You know?

Dirk: Your point?

Al: Well, we're in the desert, looking for the source of a river pollutant, using as our map a cave drawing of a Civil War gunship, which is also in the desert. So I was just wondering when we're gonna have to sit down and re-evaluate our decision-making paradigm?

Sahara has got to be one of my very favorite movies. 

I have a super short attention span lately... or so it seems. I can watch an infinite number of consecutive Bones episodes, but if you ask me if I want to sit and watch a movie, I shy away from a commitment of that magnitude. An hour and a half of sitting in the same spot I've BEEN sitting for the past hour?! Lets not go crazy.

I love a good movie. Shoot, I've sat through ALL THREE Lord of the Rings movies with my Hubs. I'm not sure why a movie in the evening spooks me. It's not like I have anything else to do at 10pm on a Monday, right?! Must be the hormones.

He didn't say "some things."

Recently I've been thinking a lot about Romans 8:28. It says, "all things work together for good for those who love God for those called according to his purpose."

Last week at church our pastor did a whole sermon about that verse. One of the points he made was that the verse doesn't say we'll be able to see it all come together for good in the end. We just have to know that it will. He also said that sometimes God lets us see it come together in hind sight.

When I was about 2-years-old we had a gas stove with a mind of it's own. It gave my mom grief trying to light the pilot on it every now and then. My mom is smart. She knew the basic things you need to do to be safe and she certainly knew how to use a gas stove. Nevertheless, the stove turned in it's notice one day and blew up in her face as she tried to light it. It sent a fire ball out that covered the entire top half of her body. It burned her hands, neck, and face really badly. My Dad is a safety engineer and immediately jumped into action. He threw a blanket over her to put out the flames and then held her kicking and screaming in a cold shower for 15 minutes. She said being in that shower was more painful than being on fire. She didn't stop cursing him for a week - or so he says. I was 2, remember? Him holding her under that water saved her from SERIOUS, long-lasting injury. Because he acted so quickly, you can't even really see any scars on her. She came out of that horrible situation as well as could be hoped.

My Mom loves God. She knows Romans 8:28 by heart but struggled with WHY that had to happen to her. Nothing good could come out of being a human fire ball and then tortured.

When I was in 8th grade, we moved for the umpteenth time (Safety engineers move more often than the military I swear.) to a little town outside of Fort Worth, Texas called Decatur. We'd been in the house all of a week maybe. My Dad was off working crazy long days at his new project site when my baby sister, Natalee, who was just a toddler at the time pulled a pot off the stove and spilled boiling soup all over the front of her naked-except-for-a-diaper body. Her skin started falling off her stomach in sheets like it was melting. It was so horrible and gruesome. I couldn't do anything but stand there in shock. Without missing a beat, my Mom scooped her up and carried her up the stairs as fast as she could. She stood in the freezing cold shower with my sister, fully clothed, water running everywhere for a good 15 minutes while I called 911.

I can still remember the sounds of my sister screaming and my mom crying as she had to hold her down.

Since my Dad wasn't home, I rode in the ambulance with Natalee while my mom and other sister followed behind us in the van. My Dad met us at the hospital where I remember hearing the doctors telling my parents how badly Nat had been burned. The one part of the conversation I remember perfectly clearly was the doctor saying if my Mom hadn't held her under that cold shower to stop the burn from moving deeper into her tissues, she may not be alive. All of her vital organs were directly in the path of that burn.

My Dad wasn't home. This isn't something couples sit around and talk about in the evenings. Had that stove not blown up in my Mom's face, she wouldn't have known how to save my sister's life.

"ALL THINGS work together for GOOD for those who love God for those called according to His purpose."

Thank you so much Lord for giving us little glimpses into your plan. Thank you for the opportunity to see it come together and see how a tragic event was your mercy in disguise.

Me and my sister, Natalee.

I'm feeling sentimental today. My anniversary is coming up. I will have been married to the love of my life for 5 years. I think back to the crazy person I was before I found my other half and I completely understand why so many people are looking for what I have - a person to spend forever with. A HAPPY FOREVER! Honestly, we have our ups and downs. Most of those downs were in the 1st year - Ugh... But we have NEVER considered divorce. We have never said anything in the heat of the moment that we couldn't take back. Never walked out on each other.

I really truely believe he is the greatest man on the planet. I think he's the best possible father and husband this life has to offer. I often wonder how in the WORLD he ended up with a girl like me. I don't understand God's hand, but I. Am. So. Thankful. That man is my rock. He's there for me no matter how many days it's been since I showered and no matter how bad I'm feeling. (Because it's been time for bed and I'm still in my jammies from yesterday!)

He's amazing. I love him with my whole, entire heart. I could never be this happy with anyone else. He is my soul mate for sure. I love you Chris. <3

My eyes are getting itchy

Today was the first day of my semester. My three hour class took all of 30 minutes. I guess she figured we would need the rest of the time to go BUY and LOOK OVER our syllabus. The thing is easily 150 pages and cost me $8.50 at a print shop. I don't think I've ever had a syllabus over 5 pages in the 7 years I've been in college. Welcome to the nursing program! It's like death on paper, but I'm excited and I already have it highlighted and tabbed appropriately.

I have someone from pretty much every branch of the medical field tied to my family in some way. My mother-in-law works for the surgeon that will be taking Noah's tonsils and adenoids out this month. Chris' grandmother works for an ophthalmologist. So I called her today to ask about Noah's pink eye. Verdict is as I feared - it's almost a certainty it will work it's way through all three kids so get him to the doc for some antibiotic eye drops stat. Will do. Are anyone else's eyes feeling itchy? O_o

I'm sure his school is going to be THRILLED that he missed a week of school for something other than the tonsillectomy I warned them about. Missing 2 weeks of school in a month - albeit not consecutive weeks - is nothing to sneeze at. Hopefully he isn't scarred for life. I'm rolling my eyes over here... since, you know, sarcasm doesn't translate well in print. He's a smart kid and he'll catch up. Shoot, all he's doing is sitting around reading books through his goopy eyes anyway. That and watching lots of TV, but lets stick to the book story, K?

Seriously... my eyes are starting to itch. Where is the lysol?!

Why?!

WHY does jello take so long to set up? If I wanted jello 12 hours from now, I'd make it then. The pre-made jello packs are not the same. They're not the right consistency. Such a pain in the rear.

WHY don't people change their address when they move?! I've lived in this house for 2.5 YEARS and I still get mail for the people we bought it from... AND THE PEOPLE WHO LIVED HERE BEFORE THEM. Seriously.

Rats!

I can't believe I missed posting yesterday! Not that I had anything go on to write home about.

I got all 3 kids to church (ON TIME! Woot!) by myself while Chris stayed home and tried his best to feel better. This time of year is killer on the medical budget. Speaking of, time to take my antibiotic.

School started this week. It's going to be interesting only taking one class this semester. Somehow only taking one class is way more intimidating to me than taking a full course load.

Tomorrow is my Lovey's birthday. I'm so proud to be his wife. He really is the greatest guy in the whole world. <3 Happy Birthday, Chris! I love you so much!

Spring break!

All this week the weather has been absolutely amazing. Right now, I have every window in the house open and I can't get enough of the breeze. The sun is out. That's kind of rare for this time of year when the days are short and the skies are overcast. It's just been such a blessing to have this break from winter. It's like a real "Spring break." :)

The other side of that coin is that my grass needs to be mowed. Ha! I'll take it.

After being inside and watching a ton of tv while I haven't been up to par, the kids are so excited to get outside and play. Sidewalk chalk, soccer balls, tricycles. It's been glorious.

Ow.

Tomorrow is going to be quite a day. It will be the 140th day in a row that I've lived with a headache.

It all started August 21st when I had to go in to the ER to get a CAT scan and some blood work due to an episode of vertigo. My head wasn't hurting at the time, but after they gave me a cocktail of different meds in the ER to fix the dizziness, my head was KILLING ME. Their best guess was ocular migraines. Since then, I've had a headache every day. Since I'm pregnant, I can't take anything. Now don't get me wrong, I haven't had a migraine every day. It's always there and it's always in my way, but it isn't debilitating - most of the time.

Also, the pregnancy was planned and prayed for so it's not holding me back from treatment. When we originally opened the bill from the hospital where they charged us our first born for the inconclusive CAT scan, we pretty much decided right then that unless I start seizing all over the floor, this issue (that is not life threatening - only thing we learned from the ER visit) would have to wait.

Sometimes it really doesn't bother me or even command my attention through the day. Other days, like this whole past week, it's been a little worse. Hoping I get a nice surprise and wake up without one tomorrow. 139 is enough.

On a happier note, today is my Granny and Grandad's 51st anniversary! How awesome is that?!

Winnie the what?

I had to take my smallest to the doctor a couple days ago. While we're waiting for the doctor to come in, she hands me a book that she would like for me to read to her. It's a board book with AA Milne's famous bear all over the cover. She climbs up on my lap and says, "Poot Mama!"

What?!

"Poot! Mama read Poot!"

We're going to have to work on that one. ::giggle::

Ghost dogs

I had heard Jack howl exactly one time in his life. It was a weird sounding fire truck or something, but the point being, he doesn't make it a habit. He likes to have "conversations" with the dog next door through the fence, but mostly, he likes to be inside chilling out and watching the kids play.

Fast forward to last night at about ONE AM. I hadn't quite fallen back to sleep from when Selah Jade had needed me earlier. I'm aaaaalmost there and I hear AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! from INSIDE my house.

Wolves freak me out like nobody's business. The whole reason I was hesitant to get a bigger dog (and the reason I don't walk around in the woods at night) was because of the wild dog thing. Packs of dogs just give me the creeps.  

So, recap. My dog, who should be sleeping, is howling in the house. Seriously? My first thought is that something was wrong. I got up (after I summoned the nerve) and checked on him. He was asleep. 

Wait... what?

Now I'm creeped out for sure. What's going on?!? I know I'm not hearing things. I woke Chris up and he heard it too. So either my dog was howling in his sleep (and didn't wake up?!?) or... he's the worlds fastest okay-I-got-that-out-of-my-system-now-I'm-going-to-fall-asleep-in-record-time dog.

That or I have a ghost dog in my house. Thanks for all THOSE stories growing up, Dad.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Christmas is over. This year we had a great season. Four different Christmases with family and food. What gets better than that?! We ALMOST finished everything we planned for advent. Whoops. We talked to the kids about why we celebrate Christmas and why we don't. I asked Noah not to ruin the Santa thing for the kids in his class, but he's a 5-year-old with a dirty little secret so we'll see how it goes. 

I'd like to leave the tree up until January 6th. It's the 12th day of Christmas and just seems like the right thing to do. If someone shows up with 9 drummers drumming today, I'll kick them. Somehow, with being sick and the stress of Noah's surgery coming up, I just don't want to take it down. But I don't want it up either. I'm ready to reclaim my house and get it in order. Since I'll only be taking one class this next semester, I should have plenty of time, right?! 

Honey, where's the baby?

Me - "I hate to wake you... and not to be weird, but... I can't find Isla."

Chris- "What?"

Me - "I've looked all over the house twice. Even under beds. She's SUPPOSED to be napping. I can't find her."

After looking like crazy people, we finally found her behind a door. She's so small that the door completely opened even with her behind it. She was very proud of herself for having pulled one over on us and I'm sure she was confused when my laugh of oh-my-goodness-I'm-so-glad-I-found-you turned into a pat on the butt for scaring me to death. And also for being out of her bed playing around when she's supposed to be napping.

After an hour of the up and down, we let her get up. I wasn't going to have her waking up her sister. After everyone was up and had joined me on the couch, it took about 10 minutes before she slumped over and fell asleep on top of her sister - who didn't find it as funny as I did since they weigh pretty much the same. Still.

Now she's sleeping and I'm sure that since it's way past time to get up we'll be doing the same dance again tonight at bed time. Oh the joys of toddlerhood. It's a good thing she's so cute.

A fresh new year

My last post was in July of 2011. I'll try to forget about that for the time being and concentrate on blogging more - if only for my own sanity and failing memory.

I spent my NYE and New Years Day at home in a state of perpetual misery. I have diagnosed myself with a sinus infection. Not being able to breathe is way up there on things I would rather live without. I missed church this morning. A huge bummer since I was supposed to help in Selah Jade's class. I miss those kids. Instead, I got to drag myself down to the after hours clinic and see a nurse practitioner with maybe a week worth of experience. I made the mistake of telling her that was my career goal right off the bat and she spent the rest of our time together trying to further my education. It would have been better received if I could hear anything, but alas, sinus infection.

Got home, took my antibiotic and tried to stay conscious to watch my team play what could have been their last game of the season. They lost, but they're going to the playoffs anyway because some other team's hopes were dashed. I don't know... like I was saying, brains a little fuzzy.

Tried to sleep and I just couldn't. I took a hot shower, but that didn't really help so I'm up writing in the living room so my poor husband doesn't get disturbed by my blowing my nose every 45 seconds.

We're expecting a new baby in July and I'm riding the fence about an important issue. Theology and head colds don't usually mesh well so forgive me if this comes out a bit warbled. Is warbled a word?

Is it right to tell God not to bless you any more? Isn't it a slap in his face to get one's tubes tied and say, "I'm deciding I know what's best for me. I don't want your input." We can reason it to death. I don't have the patience. I don't have the finances. I'm tired of the baby stage. I want the best quality life for the kids I already have. Is it not true that God finances his own projects? Is it so hard to trust that God would provide for children he gives when the reason you have them is because you were trusting him in the first place?

I'm having a hard time articulating here. I don't want to do the "mommy" thing for 40 years. I'd like to enjoy my husband and our retirement together. I'd like to drive something other than a bus. I'd like to finish up school and reach my career goals. I'd like to take family vacations without an infant. I'd like to have a date night where we didn't pay more for sitters for all the kids than we got to spend on ourselves for our date, but is this all just selfishness? Moses didn't want to go through all that BS with pharoah. Paul didn't want to be a nomad preacher. I'm willing to give my life to God for him to use as he sees fit. I guess I just need some wise council to figure out what God's opinion really is. Maybe if we left it in his hands, we wouldn't have any more anyway. My greatest fear... dread... is to have my youngest be a teenager and find out I'm pregnant.

That. Would. Be. Awful.

I'd like to be done after this one. That would give us 4. That's a big family by today's standards. When you consider my oldest right now is 5 and I'll have 4 kids before I'm 25, I'd say that's plenty. But I just have this seed in my spirit. I have to find out if tying the equipment up is wrong. Honestly, I'm afraid of the answer I'll get.