Maria

Today I saw a picture of the Chapman family. (minus the 3 grown children.) There was Steven Curtis and his lovely wife, Mary Beth. They were standing on some steps with their daughters Stevie Joy and ShoHannah. It was so strange to see them smiling and having a good time without Maria.

Now that my son is going on 5-years-old, the horror that their family went through hits even closer to home. Can you believe it's been 2 years?

I remember bawling my eyes out for their poor family. I still do when I think about it. But that's a testament to what God can do. You'd never know by looking at that photo that they've experienced unimaginable pain. God can heal. God can make new. God can pick you back up when you can't do it yourself.

Wow. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around every time.

My cup runneth over

I may have posted this before, but it's coming out one way or another and my posting it now is evidence that I still struggle with it.

I have a problem with empathy. I hear a story of someone's grief and I grieve with them. Not a 'Oh-how-sad-for-them' kind of sadness. This is a world rocking, debilitating emotion that sweeps over me for people who I often don't even know. (Think May from The Secret Life of Bees) On the other hand, when I hear good news - from any corner of the globe - it gives me strength to move on. I smile and I laugh and I cry tears of joy for situations I'll never have personal contact with. Is it a blessing or a curse? I don't know.

I have friends who hesitate to "burden" me with their heavy loads because I take it every bit as hard as they do. But truth is, some things are just too heavy to carry around by yourself. I appreciate the opportunity to mourn with people I care about so they know they aren't alone. I'm usually a first call with good news though! Which I'm equally grateful for.

There are people hurting out there. No, I don't like to dwell in sadness, but how can I go about my day without pausing and praying? Someone out there is in the worst pain they've ever felt in their life. Someone just lost a baby. Someone just found out their spouse has died. Some people are watching their families being slaughtered while their country is at war. I just think these people deserve a minute out of my day. Comfort them, Lord.

People are rejoicing! Someone's adoption was just finalized. Someone just got a positive pregnancy test after years of praying and struggling with infertility. Someone just heard their mothers cancer is in remission. These people deserve attention too! Hallelujah! Can you believe how good our God is?!

When it's my turn to grieve or rejoice, I hope I'll have someone - maybe it wont be anyone I've ever met - but I'll have someone who "suffers" from an over abundance of empathy. I hope someone will share those moments with me. What's a Happily Ever After if you have no one to share it with?

♫ Should I stay or should I go ♫

I'm pretty much terrified to go home over the weekend. Of course, we want to be there for the 4th and all the fun stuff, but people up there are falling apart. My Granny has broken her foot. My Mom called this morning and said her face was swollen up on one side and she was making an emergency trip to the dentist. My sister has recently resumed sending me texts that just say "I hate my life." So with all this going on, I'm going to bring my crazy family of 3 kids and a dog to stay with (and impose on) the grandmother with the bum leg. I don't want her to feel like she needs to do anything. We're not coming on vacation. We're just coming to see everyone.

I'm scared. O_o

Thursday - need I say more?

I'm at home. Finally. I just got the kids sat down with their lunches of pretzels, cheetoes and pineapple chunks I brought home from VBS. I'm wiped. This hard wood chair has never felt so comfortable. It's like muscle nirvana.
Today was crazy. We were late, but I wasn't going to stress about that. I figured it wasn't worth my sanity. So we get there and I'm dropping off Isla and Emily says "So did you bring me a bottle?" I'll pause here while you empathize with the immediate sinking of my already waning mood.

No. I didn't bring a bottle. Or any formula for that matter. I dropped off Selah Jade at her class and then begged my Mom-in-law to hold her pager and be in charge while I ran home with Noah in tow to get the bottle and formula sections that I had left on the kitchen counter.

I get back to the church and drop Noah at his class (that had been in the sanctuary when we left - so I couldn't drop him off) and they were just finishing up their craft - his favorite part. I gave him a laffy taffy from the adult snacks kitchen as a peace offering. All it did was make a big pink stain down the front of his new white shirt from not being able to fit the WHOLE THING in his mouth at one time. C'est la vie.

When I got to Selah Jade's classroom to pick her up and they started apologizing, my heart sank. There she was, cuddled up in a rocking chair snoozing away and had been for the past hour. Awesome.

I tried to get Noah to go to the bathroom. He protested and assured me he didn't need to go. As we're pulling out of the church parking lot, I hear "Mom, I have to go to the bathroom." Which was, of course, met with a barrage of "Too bad." "I told you to go in there." "Don't you dare pee in your pants." "NOT IN THE CAR." "Wait til we get home!" Etc.

By the way, Isla's skin is still falling off from her yeast rash. Is it 6 o' clock yet?

Gnarly

It stinks in here. What in the world is going on?! Is that the dog? The trash can? One of the children?! Surely not.

There is a smell in here that would wake the dead. Chris said he could smell it over the weekend, but I couldn't. I guess it's because I live here. I just get used to these things I thought, but nooo. This is something awful. I'm beginning to think something has died. Seriously. A mouse? A squirrel? Oh how I hate rodents. We've never had a problem with them before. I've cleaned. I've mopped. Something strange is afoot at the Mendez home.  (You young 'uns wont get the reference)

How does one go about finding the source of said odor? I have no idea. I almost don't want to find it... for fear of what I'll find. Ew. When is Chris going to be home again?

::stalling::

I hate doing dishes y'all. Hate it with a passion. Sitting here writing about hating dishes is my last ditch effort to avoid doing them. They're sitting there in the sink staring at me and if we plan on eating dinner, they're going to have to be done. I got rid of most of my dishes (I had 3 or 4 sets) so I wouldn't be able to put it off. If I had the option, I'd let them sit until ALL 4 SETS of dishes were spent and then we'd probably have to call in a professional.

I only kept my favorite dishes and got rid of the rest. Now when I procrastinate, it's not the END of the world... just... well... I still hate it.

Anyway, all this to say, I need some new dishes. When you get rid of all your dishes you don't absolutely need... and you have small children who signal they're done with their oatmeal by throwing their bowl on the floor and saying "Uh oh!" as the thing shatters into hundreds of pieces, you end up with a dish shortage and a need to buy dishes. Oh, the irony.

Any chance it's cheaper to just use paper plates? I didn't think so.

Golden tomato

How much have you ever paid for a tomato? I'm not talking about Wal-Mart rollback tomatoes. I'm talking about Farmers Market tomatoes where they're straight off the vine and perfectly ripe. You're thinking *I'd give a pretty penny for a tomato like that* aren't ya?

Well, I can beat that. I gave more than 4000 pennies for A TOMATO. And I even had to put the blood, sweat and tears into growing it because it came out of MY garden!

Why a $40 tomato, Rylee? Why?

Because that's what all the plants, planters, potting soil, plant feeder, etc cost me to grow this tomato. Because my tomato plants seem to have given their 2 week notice and this is the only fruit I've been able to harvest. Because some species of worm has moved in to one of my plants and taken up residence. And if I don't get any more fruit off of these plants, I will have put 2 months of my life and more than $40 into THIS tomato. Lord help me.